WHY DO YOU MURMUR

Wo qinai de jiating he pengyou ZAO AN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dearest friends dear gentlemen, listen to my song! I have so much to tell you and haven't the foggiest where I ought to begin so this, much like every other email, is going to be an explosion of words and y'all are just gonna go with it!!!! My new area is wonderful. Every day I love it more and more, it is soooo incredibly beautiful. I love the massive bridge we cross every day and the trickling stream they call a river, I love the giant cement cylinders we pass on the way to church, I love the rolling clouds and shafts of light that break through and remind me that I'm on a tiny little island. I love the little girls who wear their socks pulled up to their knees, and the people who scoot away from me when I try to talk to them at stop lights. I love the members of our ward who are so unique and glorious. I love my companion Sister T. more than anyone can know. This is the promised land, my friends, and it is very literally flowing with milk and honey, because one of our investigators is a family and they keep bees and gave us a jar of honey which I have slowly but surely been single-handedly consuming. Ok ok it's not all sunshine and daisies....to start this area is probably about 4 or 5 times bigger than my first area, so that is insane. I've been here barely a week, and I still only know a few roads. Also we don't have very many investigators, but we have lots of less actives and recent converts that we are working with, and each time we meet with them everything inside of me feels like it is physically shifting because I feel so full of the Spirit of God. I ache for these people to remember their testimonies and to grab back on to the rod of iron....sometimes we just forget how. It's really cool how everything happening in my life is reflected in my scripture study every day. I read Lehi's vision in 1 Nephi this week....I love in chapter 8 verses 14 and 23: "they stood as if they knew not whither they should go." "they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, and were lost." ok I don't love that. I guess it's more appropriate to say I was particularly struck by these verses as I met with lots of new people this week...it was just a spiritual thing for me to think about these people....all around me....the large majority are total strangers....I look at them as I ride past them on my bike or as I wobble over to them at stop lights. Sometimes they don't look lost, but sometimes they fit that description in verse 14 EXACTLY, they "[sit on their scooters] as if they knew not whither they should go". I'm not really sure where I am going with this, because my feelings and thoughts and ideas are still formulating. But the point is I love being a missionary. It's a marvelous thing to
be a missionary and to be removed from my old life where I just worry about ME. Now I open my eyes and see the people around me and pray desperately to know how I can reach them and help them remember the path they once commenced on, either in this life or the life before. It's very surreal and exquisite. I wanted to share one particularly poignant experience I had this week....Sister T. and I have lists of less active members that we have been asked to go through, trying to contact them, see if they've moved, etc. This week we went to a part of town that was a little sketchier than most to find a certain Guan JieMei. Neither of us really knew where we were going. When we got to what we thought was maybe her apartment building, Sister T. went and started asking this woman about it, and I was accosted by a man who was slovenly and drunk. I could only half understand what he was saying because he was slurring so much. He was very nice, though, and invited us out for coffee, which I politely declined. I tried to talk to him about church because he mentioned "moermenjiao" (Mormon church) but it was so sad to see that the Spirit could not work in him because of the physical and mental state he was in.

I finally just walked away and joined my companion who was trying to share our message with a woman wearing more makeup than clothes. Her eyes looked empty and sad. She got tired of listening to us, but let us in to Guan JieMei's building and helped us into the elevator. We went up to the 10th floor and walked down a long, narrow, and dark hallway and knocked on a door that we hoped would be hers. Guan JieMei's mother-in-law answered. She did not look happy to see us, but my companion is really amazing with people and so somehow, she let us in. In the front room there was an enormous wooden shrine painted red. It had all kinds of objects on it....so THAT'S probably why she was less-than-excited to let us in. Guan JieMei came out looking tired and confused. Her mother-in-law sat on a tiny chair in the corner occasionally speaking Taiwanese or murmuring in Chinese with her hand over her mouth so we couldn't understand her. Then she finally got up and left.

I nearly started crying as we continued to talk with this sweet sister...because the more we talked, the more I realized she has let go of all hope. "I don't care if my family is together forever or not, my husband would never come to church so why does it matter." My heart was aching and my eyes filled with tears as I shared what was in my heart. We read a scripture with her and said a quiet little prayer so mom wouldn't hear us. I think our visit strengthened her...she seemed relieved to be able to talk about everything. She told us we don't need to come back though. Before we left, Sister T. said "Guan JieMei we just wanted you to know that God has not forgotten you. He will never forget you." When she bore her testimony I was struck to my very center as I realized how true it was. It was a series of little miracles that we found her and that we decided to go and visit her that day, but God knew where she was, and He knew how we could find her. I almost started crying again when we left (a little emotionally fragile, are we? ummm. Yes.) because I am so undone at our Heavenly Father's love for us. We really have no idea how much He
loves us and how involved He is in every detail of our lives. And while we are on the subject of my fabulous companion....I can hardly begin to express how much I adore her, but I will try to count the ways. I realized this week that Sister T. reminds me of Aunt Sage. You should see the way she loves people, I am moved every single time. Something she and Sage both have in common is their genuine love for other people and their immediate ability to take a person where they are, be interested in them, and make them feel valued. I am going to learn SO much from her it's insane. One quick example....this week we went to visit a recent convert/less active, but we got to her house early. So we went to try to see someone the next street over who also wasn't there...but that's where we met Ahti. She's this darling girl from Indonesia who came to Taiwan to work and get money for her family. We started talking to her. She was using a wooden mallet to like hammer plastic things into metal poles...yeah I have no idea what it was for. Sister T. just said, "Can I try?" So we sat down on the ground and spoke really simple Chinese (ahh, my favorite :) ) and just served this girl and talked to her about God. We didn't add her as an investigator or get her number or even get to set up another time with her, but I think that is partially why I loved it so much....when we left, we just gave her a hug, and I told her my little sister lived in Indonesia once and loved it. Ahti just sighed and said "Really??? Oh, thank you thank you." and that was that. There are a lot of ways to minister to God's children. Sometimes they aren't ready to sit down and hear all the lessons and get baptized 3 weeks later....but they still need love, and they still need a reminder that God is mindful of them. I love doing that :) And I love that Sister T. radiates that in every single interaction. She's incredible. 1 Nephi 2:12 "they did murmur because they knew not the dealings of that God who had created them." I read this scripture earlier this week....it's referring to Laman and Lemuel. Sometimes I think it's easy for me to be like, Laman and Lemuel were such idiots how could they have disregarded all the signs and miracles they saw? But unfortunately I've come to realize I am a lot more like them than I think or care to admit. I am quick to forget and quick to feel sorry for myself in times of trial, and I am slow to turn outward and focus on Christ. A couple of questions I thought of while thinking about Laman and Lemuel: did you ask him to make it known? Do you have faith in His plans and timing? These are things I have been working on a lot lately and I am praying desperately that I can be more like Nephi, who was quick to turn to the Lord, quick to have faith and be obedient, which resulted in glorious answers to prayer. There's probably a lot more I want to say, but I think this is all for now. I love you and pray for you and am cheering for you :) love Sister Coco Ke JieMei